— on Substack since June 2023 —
Not Forever
It’s been 10 years. He’d be, what— 32 now?— and every year that passes, he seems to get younger and younger.
Memorial Morning
I went to the Lafayette Crosses this morning. It’s not something I’ve been able to plan ahead to do. I can’t predict how I’ll feel the morning of, which is today.
The Most Unorganized Imperfect Thing
This might be the most unorganized set of thoughts I've ever posted on my blog. Ever since my minor brain injury thing that happened...
Crash. Boom. Opera. (Or: My Bike Crash in the Clear Light of Day.)
Thump. Thump. Thump. The sound of a kid doing basketball drills, bouncing the ball in that monotonous way. The picture of the afternoon sunlight on a driveway, the passing of time marked by the mundane. The beat. The beat. The beat.
The Architecture That Isn't
Over the years, I've noticed whenever there's been a demolition in an area I think I know pretty well, I still can't for the life of me remember what used to be there before the crews blew it up or tore it down.
The dream I dreamed.
A dream I had in mid-July: I was walking among houses that had paths between them.
Part III: The End of Foreboding
An innate relationship with loss. A desire to corral the darkness. Acceptance of the lifespan of my work. A hope to move forward with dignity.
Part I: The Start of the End
Sometimes I have the opposite of that common fear: The Fear of Dying. Instead I have: The Fear of Living Too Long. I’m sure the two are related. Who's to say how long is too long? ...
Breaking Waves
My last blog post was five months ago. I left off with the notion that sometimes things have to break before they become better. Break the ground to plant the seed. Prune the tree. Break up, break out.
Left standing, it'll be all right.
Over & over again I keep being afraid this privilege of artmaking will be taken away. But I want to know that come or go, interruption or no, I will still be here. Doing what I do.
Tree Blogging with @Platea (An Art Project with Unexpected Experiences)
Description of my contribution to an online project
Getting to the Next Level
I still want to play a certain game. That game being art, as I learn to make work that is meaningful to myself, work that I'm proud of, I want it to be shown somewhere. I want to be a part of the art world thing. I want my work to be seen, and maybe that means I don't want to be invisible.
My Little Friend
This is a link to blog I started for some of my best friends. Their seven year old daughter was diagnosed with Leukemia (AML) around Thanksgiving 2008.
Carry Each Other
I spent the week all over the state of California, from here in the Bay Area of San Francisco down to San Diego and seeing my two nephews, with many stops in between.
Still Nothing, But Never Mind.
I'm just done with this. Another day of no blood, another negative test. I'm done taking tests, done thinking I am pregnant, done thinking about every detail that I feel is happening to me.
Distant Grief
How could me feeling anything do anything for anyone? Maybe it's about having a perspective of compassion, empathy. And hoping that it spreads.