What I Want & When I Want It

That title phrase makes me think of crowds of people chanting… “what do we want?!” and “when do we want it?!”. I went to an art portfolio review hosted by SFAN in May, and one of the reviewers asked me what I wanted out of my work as an artist. How do I convey that I am driven, determined, and relentless but still figuring out what I actually want?I was educated in new genres art making, and that’s still my primary approach to my work. But ten years ago I decided to go old school by really learning how to paint. I wanted to learn to make really good pictures, things I could look at and share with people, not just a smattering of ideas and records of actions taken. I wanted to make meaningful things, I wanted an art community, and I wanted to have my work in exhibitions.And so, I did all that.Then I hit a wall. The demands of home life? Maybe. That to zero-in on my studio practice, something had to give? Definitely. What I gave up was staying connected with other artists and marketing my work. To top it all off, I just couldn’t do social media anymore, neither as a way of “keeping up with family/ friends/ acquaintances/ old friends/ new friends/ colleagues/ strangers”, nor for “getting my work out there.” And I definitely couldn’t tolerate depending on social media algorithms for feedback, affirmation, or opportunities.I kept painting. And making screen prints. And poster designs. And animations. And many many attempts at pictures that didn’t make it into any completed project (yet).I kept writing. I wrote blog posts, I wrote letters, I used text to distill political conversations, tried to understand Americans’ relationship with the president and with each other by personalizing it into a narrative. Where to put that text, though, what to do?What do I really want? I love my latest series of paintings. And now what? I’m going to do the things I need to do to see if there’s a place for them because I can’t just raise my hand in the sky and say “pick me, pick me!” Back in May, when the reviewer asked me what I wanted out of my art practice, I only managed to answer awkwardly: “I want to have my art in spaces where regular (non-art world) people can see it.”OMG. 🤦🏻‍♀️Even now I think that sounds pretty stupid. But it’s accurate. I work hard at what I make and I want it to live outside of the walls of my studio, I want it to exist for other people and not just me. I love to make art, but I don’t just make my best work for the sake of making it. I want to show it.And while I’m at it, I have more I can do. With all the reading and writing and adjacent art making I’ve done, and because I have a couple friends writing books, I finally realized: a book! A picture book, actually! I want to make a picture book for grown-ups. And some for kids, too. I have an endless number of ideas. I want my work to live in a book, to be interacted with, to be looked at, to be read. And since it's a book… it can be… affordable for almost anyone, which is also really important to me. I’m so excited about this, and I will use these blog posts to track my work towards the end product.I am making a book!And I want to finish my proposal this summer!

Signing off on this beautiful Friday afternoon

~Maritza