Maritza Ruiz-Kim

Artist, San Francisco Bay Area

“Lost”

My first blog post ever ever ever. Ahhhhh. *Sigh*
The whole point I even decided to do this was to post poems and hope they find people who enjoy them.
We’ll see! Here goes nothing . . .
I wrote this one a few months ago. Thinking about consumerism and suburban life. When I was growing up, we didn’t have a lot of money. And the things I value most don’t cost anything. Anyway . . .

Lost

If I was to lose myself
would I be found in the racks of clothes
in the brand new stock section–
the season’s newest and cleanest,
hanging soft, fresh,
everything I need but don’t have,
everything I want but don’t need,
curled up tight, my head resting on a metal rod?

Would I be dreaming of more, more,
beyond what I could see,
a spree, everything free,
would I be searching out the costliest things
collecting into basket after basket,
more than I could use or keep,
irredeemable insatiable wanting,
so that the more I’d have, the more I’d think I need?

If I was to lose myself there,
who would look for me,
following the trail I’d left behind,
nobody sweeping the crumbs away,
a winding path that leads to nowhere?

If I was to lose myself there,
would I ask myself why I let it happen,
could I remember the last place I really was,
could I honestly say I never meant it to happen?

If I’d ever lose myself,
if I’d even want to be found,
I’d want to be
in that nearby place.
I know I’d have to drive to get there.
But when I got out of the car,
when I’d thud the door,
I’d lock everything behind.
I’d walk away.

You know where it is.
It’s where you curve the path to the left,
you duck under the low hanging branch,
and wade through the layered leaves.
You’d find me sitting in the shade,
notebook on my knee,
pencil writing the next thing.

I’d hear you coming. I’d know what you wanted to ask.
When you found me,
I’d glance up to catch your eye with what?
So that you’d question
what it is you were asking.

~Maritza Ruiz-Kim  ©2005

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